"The Perfect Dish? Just Ask Julia"

What exactly are the right ingredients to create the perfect dish? Is it the quality of the meats and produce you select or the fresh herbs and spices or the roux or broth you use as a base?
What exactly makes something the "perfect dish"? 

When you find that someone and you believe you click and this could be the "perfect dish" the initial feeling is like ivy crawling up your spine, the only problem is you don't know what variety it is. It could be harmless and gentle, it could be poisonous and leave you scratching your head in disbelief or it could just strangle the living shit out of you like I've seen in every sci-fi B movie set in a jungle.

Feelings may come to you in your darkest hour, when the sun goes down and you find yourself walking on unfamiliar ground asking which way do I go? Do you wait until the light of day, when you can see what's ahead or do you breathe deep and fearlessly go in blind, hold tight to the edge of night and find your way to the gleaming light as you wait for the earth to complete another orbit around the sun?

Some choose to flatter a good heart just to watch it break. You listen to every word you ever heard them say and you cling to it like honey clings to the spoon so thick and sweet. Some choose to allow their hearts to be wide open and leave themselves wrecked in the end after a head on collision with the truth. Then there are the ones that mean every word they speak, they are the purveyor of the perfect ingredients and we walk away because we cannot seem to recognize them, because we look in a mirror with two borrowed eyes trying to find a part of us that is still alive and barely breathing.

When will I create the "perfect dish" ? The perfect combination of the perfect ingredients to create the perfect, well rounded, delectable oral sensation that makes my senses whole. I must reach out to the only woman that has created the perfect balance of time, ingredients and flavor, the great Julia Child.

Tasty Tastings Everyone!

Julia Child's Beef Bourguignon

It might take all day, but you won't BELIEVE YOUR MOUTH.

Ingredients

6 

slices bacon, cut into lardons

3 1/2 

tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

3 

pounds stewing beef, cut into 2-inch chunks

1 

large carrot, sliced

1 

large white onion, sliced

1 

pinch coarse salt and freshly ground pepper

2 

tablespoons flour

3 

cups red wine, like a 

Chianti

2 1/2 

to 3 1/2 cups beef stock

1 

tablespoon tomato paste

2 

cloves smashed garlic

1/2 

teaspoon thyme

1 

crumbled bay leaf

18 

to 24 small pearl onions

3 1/2 

tablespoon butter

1 

herb bouquet (4 sprigs parsley, 2 sprigs thyme, 1 bay leaf)

1 

pound fresh white mushrooms, quartered

Directions

• Simmer bacon lardons in 4 cups water for 10 minutes. Drain and pat dry.
• Preheat oven to 450°F.
• In a large dutch oven, sauté bacon in 1 tablespoon of oil for about 3 minutes, until it starts to lightly brown. Remove with a slotted spoon and set aside.
• Dry the beef in paper towels for better browning. In batches, sear the beef on all sides in the Dutch oven. Set aside with the bacon.
• Back in the pot, add the sliced carrots and onions; sauté in fat until browned, about 3 minutes. If there's any excess fat, drain.
• Add the bacon and beef back to the pot. Season with 1/2 teaspoon coarse salt and 1/4 teaspoon ground pepper. Toss. Sprinkle with flour and toss once more. Place in the center of the oven for 4 minutes.
• Remove pot from oven; toss beef and place back in the oven for 4 more minutes.
• Remove the pot from the oven and reduce the heat to 325°F.
• To the pot add the wine and stock. The liquid should barely cover the meat and vegetables. Add the tomato paste, garlic and thyme. Bring to a light simmer on the stove, then cover and simmer in the lower part of the oven for 3 to 4 hours, or until the meat is easily pierced.
• In the last hour of cooking, bring 1 1/2 tablespoons butter and 2 teaspoons oil to a medium heat in a sauté pan. Add the pearl onions and toss around in the fat until they've browned, 10 minutes. Then stir in 1/2 cup beef stock, a small pinch of salt and pepper and the herb bouquet. Reduce the heat to low and simmer the onions for about 40 minutes, until the liquid has evaporated and the onions are tender.
• Remove the onions and set aside. Discard the herb bouquet and wipe out the skillet. Add the remaining butter and oil and bring to a medium heat.
• Add the mushrooms and cook for about 5 minutes, shaking the pan to coat with the butter.
• Place a colander over a large pot. Drain the beef stew through the colander and into the pot. Place the pot with the sauce over a medium heat and simmer for about 5 minutes, skimming any fat on top. Pour the beef and vegetables back into the dutch oven. Add the pearl onions and mushrooms to the pot. Pour the sauce over the beef mix and simmer an additional 3 to 5 minutes.
• Garnish with parsley and serve with potatoes, rice or noodles.

"Dark and Stormy vs Sazerac.....Which One Are You"

The Dark and Stormy vs. The Sazerac

One is simple and pure and the other is complex and layered. They both remind me so much of myself in the fact that I have so many layers and I am so complex but when you get down to the heart of me I am just as vulnerable as the next and eternally seeking something simple and pure.

The Dark and Stormy: 

Named for the color of a cloud that only a fool or a dead man would sail under.

Dark and Stormy                                                               

• 2 ounces Gosling's Dark Rum 
• 5 ounces ginger beer
• Lime wedge


Life is not simple and in this world it is hard to find anything pure, but love and emotions can be both dark and stormy. When you observe yourself slowly and unknowingly allowing someone to break down your wall it catches you off guard and you don't know what reality you will find yourself in. You are either like mercury, silver and quick or like syrup, sticky and thick. You either whisper like a breeze or you roar like a hurricane. There is no in between because emotions are difficult to harness when they run high. Some emotions tend to be like a hurricane, the eye full of sun and calm, but hands full of dark churning sea, with disregard of time, virtue and horizon, the waters much like my own eyes are dark and deep.

The Sazerac: 

  "There is no way to fit more molecules of alcohol into a cocktail than a Sazerac." -Eben Klemm.

Sazerac

• 1 Sugar Cube
• Water
• 2oz Buffalo Trace Bourbon or Sazerac Rye Whiskey
• 2 dashes Peychaud's Bitters
• Ice
• 1 barspoon Absinthe or Herbsaint
• Lemon Peel

Complexity is the essence of the Sazerac, much as you find complexity in one's personality. Layers upon layers of character essence that you sometimes must carefully peel back in order to find the true depth of a person. Some won't even take the time to do the work to get to know who the inner soul really is of their chosen partner. 

Much like the drink you'll find some personalities as stiff and conservative as rye whiskey, as chilled as the rocks of ice you have carefully broken and poured in the glass, as deeply hurt and tarnished as the bitters and as tart and succulent as the lemon. Then taste the pure sweetness in your mouth of the sugar cube and you may find they are as hallucinogenic and intoxicating as the Absinthe or Herbsaint. It is up to you to discover which element you will always remember as the true taste and feel of their kiss in your mouth. 

Do the work because you may find the truest form of pleasure and purest form of love after all of the layers of heartbreak, unbridled emotion, immense joy and intoxicating passion have been sorted through. Much like a night in the French Quarter you will enjoy the moment and never regret your decisions the next morning.

Tasty Tastings Everyone!

 

Be The Lenoir!!!!! Franklin's Cheap Sangria

I haven't had many people in my life who understand me. For that reason it is sometimes difficult for me to see beyond myself as I am still trying to grasp the reality of my own dysfunction. If I don't know what the issue is with someone else I create my own scenario as my anxiety and my insecurities kick in and I wage war upon myself with every single fiber of my being. 

My anxiety is my dragon. It dwells inside and and strengthens as my thoughts wander off somewhere down a long dusty road in my soul. I can't see the direction nor the crossroads but I seem to take the narrowest of paths that lead to nowhere only the self mutilation of my heart. Why can't I just stop somewhere and ask directions? There aren't any. You see you have to chart out your course ahead of time when you have anxiety. You have to make sure you won't end up somewhere you don't want to be. You have to have a comfort zone and surround yourself with those that have a calming effect on you when you feel you just have to dip away but shouldn't. Everything has to be structured and go as planned. If you have to take a detour it can awaken the dragon and cause a huge shift in the space time continuum.....well maybe not that drastic but that's what it feels like when you have anxiety. Like your ship is sinking and you want to jump off. Fuck the life jacket just JUMP!!!!

Many of my friends here in Key West don't know I worked as an apprentice winemaker in Texas because here I am just a wine drinker. I worked at Dry Comal Creek Vineyards under Franklin Houser and one of the best consulting winemakers in the world Dr. Enrique Ferro, founder of Ferro Family Wines. I learned a lot about charting your course from Dr. Farro and Mr. Houser. There were very few detours in the winemaking business. I worked in the fields, the lab, in the office procuring juices, the tasting room, I helped bottle and I managed sales and the best part was I learned the business from the ground to the bottle to the glass. I learned how to blend varietals to create an immense Meritage. I learned how to season barrels for port wine production and know just when it's time to add the right elements that enhance the process. I gained the expertise in choosing varietals when outsourcing juices for further development. But the most important thing I learned that taught me the most about myself was about Pierce's Disease (PD). PD is primarily caused by the glassy-winged sharpshooter (that's a bug) that carries a bacterium and feeds on tender tissues of the vine and much like anxiety does to human beings it destroys the plant from root to fruit. It will take out a vineyard with only one exception being the Black Spanish grape, better known as the Lenoir which appears to be Pierce's Disease resistant. The vines can become infected with the disease but still survive and produce the most incredible wine grape that is now used in many of the US crafted port wines. That is me!  I am a Lenoir! I can be infected with negativity, sick with anxiety that has crippled me but still rise to produce a high quality product that is revered by many as one of the finest wine grapes that are high in acidity and tannins, difficult to manage but smooth on the palate with strong legs and a tremendous bouquet.

So with this being said I am a survivor, and every day I have to learn to have strong legs, incredibly strong resistance and a smooth and easy finish much like a bottle of fine Red Lenoir. Be Strong and Be the Lenoir! Cheers!

Tasty Tastings Everyone!

Franklin's Cheap Sangria

Ingredients

• 1 6 oz can frozen concentrate limeade mixed with one can of water
• 1 6 oz frozen concentrate orange juice mixed with one can of water
• 1 liter chilled Grapefruit Soda
• 1 bottle Dry Comal Creek Black Spanish Red Wine

Recipe Info

1. Blend frozen limeade and orange juice, add bottle of Black Spanish. Put in freezer until slushy. Add chilled grapefruit soda just before serving. Garnish with orange and lemon slices.

The Goddess Speaks: "Nothing Quite Like The Feel Of Something New"

Happy New Year Everyone! I survived ten days of being out and about.

Now I am perplexed. I met someone very special a couple of weeks ago, mind you it was an interesting scenario, it didn't go further than conversation and I could slowly feel the wall around my heart being chipped away like a sculptor as he starts working on a new piece of stone. Things take time, things with me just can't be rushed. I am an introvert that only comes out when her inner Goddess is summoned to glorify her existence. I always hide behind my camouflage of smiles in public when deep down I would rather be sitting at home writing my heart out, cooking for those I love, dancing around the house to the deep beats of NIN, immersing myself in a mindless movie to forget my awkward social anxieties or holding someone so close after making love and I can feel their heart beat in time with my own. 

You see I am a rare breed, suffering from both anxiety and depression from PTSD is like living inside a personal hell. It takes a special person to see it for what it is and hold my hand through the storm and reassure me it'll be over soon. I am a runner and a pusher, I run away when taunted and never take the time to justify my reactions so i push you away so you don't find out my secret. It is easier for me to hide then walk into a room with my head held high and my light shining bright. I've shined like the north fucking star these past few weeks. Something or someone lit me on fire and it felt good. Then it stopped, out of nowhere, no reasoning, no explanation. Dead silence like a deluge of water that extinguished the raging fire with no warning. WTF!

Maybe I need to jaunt about town tonight and drink a cocaine rimmed espresso martini to allow me to dance my demons out like a coven of seductive pagans during a full moon. Maybe I should just stay home and over think this shit some more placing the blame solely on me as I have done so many times before. When someone doesn't take the leap of faith to get to know another's soul it becomes their loss. 

In some cases I wish I could be like the person Trent Reznor's lyrics "I'm drunk and right now I'm so in love with you, and I don't want to think too much about what we should or shouldn't do. Lay my hands on heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars while the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car. Nothing quite like the feel of something new," Maybe that is the only time I feel alive, Maybe meaningless, random encounters are the answer as so many of my sistas have told me. Unattached emotionally, physically satisfied but still void of any depth...that's not who I am. I am a one man woman. The stress of multiple engagements would send me over the edge like a broken cuckoo clock stuck on midnight. 

Relationships are like wine, it takes time to develop legs, intensity, depth and substance.

Much like an avocado I start out hard and in need of being slowly ripened. Give it some time and you find the soft meat under the thick skin is as smooth as butter and the heart is big.


My recipe is for my Avocado Poblano Soup. This can be served hot or cold kind of like me.
Tasty Tastings Everyone!!!

Sheri's Heart Avocado Poblano Soup

Makes 10 servings

1 pound poblano chiles, washed, seeded and coarsely chopped (skin on)

2 carrots, washed, peeled and roughly chopped

1 white onion, peeled and roughly chopped

2 tablespoons canola oil

1 clove garlic, minced

1/3 cup flour

1/2 gallon (8 cups) fresh chicken stock

2 avocados, halved, seeded and peeled (pebbly-skinned brown-black Hass are preferred)

1/4 cup chopped cilantro

1 cup heavy cream

Pepper, to taste 

Salt, to taste

Corn tortillas, cut in strips and fried in hot oil, for garnish

Instructions: In large stock pot, sauté poblanos, carrots and onion in canola oil over medium heat for 5 minutes. Add garlic and sauté 1 minute. Add flour, mix well and saute for 5 more minutes. Stir occasionally.

Add chicken stock and mix well. Simmer over medium low heat for 30 minutes. Remove from heat and add avocado. Puree with wand blender or in batches in blender. Add cilantro and cream, and blend until thoroughly mixed. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Serve warm or chilled, topped with fried corn tortilla strips.

My Dark Passenger/ Pan Crisped Fish with Spinach in a Lemon Tarragon Sauce

My dark passenger exists within. It is the one who protects me from the world and only comes out when provoked. My dark passenger is the one who you see when you look through my eyes into my soul, she is fearless, unemotional and can conquer the world. She is the one who will turn your head and drop your jaw, she is the one who will protect me from pain and shield me from the contempt of others. She lays in darkness and feeds on light, but she has been dormant for some time. Maybe it was to see if I could stand on my own two feet and conquer the world only to fall into a pit of despair and need to summon her yet again for wisdom and protection. Maybe she is the one who can fix what has been broken. 

My dark passenger is curious. She wants to rule the world whether it be global or her own. She is the only one who truly sees the truth in others as within herself. She feeds of the satirical side of life and her wit and sarcasm are not to be compared to another. She is strong and can defeat her enemies. She will never look back at the carnage she leaves behind only smile and strut away. She doesn't care about the destruction she leaves in her wake. She will destroy all those who trespass against her with the truth and will bring down your house of cards that was once strategically built if you betray her. She is a righteous beast who only wants peace,

My dark passenger looks to right so many wrongs, she looks to change the world and end the violence that we see so much of today. The endless wars over Gods and beliefs that have so many trying to destroy each other. Why? Why do we keep fighting the same wars, that's insanity afterall.

My dark passenger is a sexy beast. She is the one who will leave you craving for more. She is a passionate vixen who will cast her spell for those to fall under. She is the one who will excite and arouse you to your highest peak. She will remain faithful to the ones that believe in her but once they stray she will extinguish the flames and kill your fire. She is the one she is your one and only. She is a goddess, a fiery creature from my soul. Her heart is not someone's sacrifice to be left at the altar for a dark force to engulf in it's cold, steel digestive tract. She is the epitome of Aphrodite...at least for someone if not for myself. 

My dark passenger is the one I need to cast upon the world to leave my mark then recoil back into the dark depths of my soul until her services are needed again. 

My dark passenger is here, Not for your enjoyment but for your fear. The one who needs her the most is me and it's time for her to set me free.


Dragons Herb

The name Tarragon is a corruption of the French Esdragon, derived from the Latin Dracunculus (a little dragon), which also serves as its specific name. It was sometimes called little Dragon Mugwort and in French has also the name Herbe au Dragon. To this, as to other Dragon herbs, was ascribed the faculty of curing the bites and stings of venomous beasts and of mad dogs. The name is practically the same in most countries. Pan Crisped Fish with Spinach and Lemon Tarragon Sauce ingredients:  1/4 cup Unsalted butter 2 teaspoon Shallots, fresh, minced 1 tablespoon Parsley, fresh, minced 2 teaspoon Fresh tarragon, finely minced 2 tablespoon Freshly squeezed lemon juice 2 tablespoon Olive oil 1 each Garlic clove, minced 14 oz Baby Spinach 1/4 cup Flour 1 teaspoon Salt 1/2 teaspoon Black pepper, freshly ground 2 each Eggs, slightly beaten 11/2 cup Panko bread crumbs 4 each Flounder fillets, fresh directions: 1. Prepare sauce. Heat a large skillet over medium-low heat. Melt butter, then saute shallots until lightly golden, stirring often, about 3 to 4 minutes. Turn off heat. Add parsley and tarragon, and then lemon juice. Pour sauce into a small bowl, removing all sauce from pan with a rubber spatula. Set aside. 2. Prepare spinach. Heat 1 tsp. olive oil over medium heat in same skillet you used for sauce. Saute garlic for about 30 seconds. Add spinach, cover, and cook until wilted (stirring several times), 3 to 4 minutes. Remove spinach to a plate and set aside. 3. Prepare fish. Set out three wide, shallow bowls. Place flour, salt, and pepper in one bowl and stir to combine. Place lightly beaten eggs in second bowl, and bread crumbs in third. Dip each piece of fish into flour, then eggs, and then bread crumbs. Press bread crumbs lightly onto both sides of fish, then place on a plate or sheet pan. 4. Heat remaining 2 Tbsp. oil in skillet over medium heat. You may have to cook fish in two batches. Sauti fish until coating is golden on both sides, 2 to 3 minutes per side. Repeat with a second batch, if necessary, adding additional oil to pan if needed. 5. Check that sauce is still liquid; if it has started to solidify, reheat in microwave for a few seconds and stir until smooth. When fish is ready, divide spinach among four plates, top with fish, and spoon a quarter of the sauce around (not on top of) spinach and fish on each plate. Serve immediately. Suggestions: Fresh tarragon can be substituted for 3/4 tsp. dried. Large fillets should be about 1 to 1 1/4 lb. each.

Wine Erotica

Wine Erotica

Opening a new bottle of wine is like going on a first date, you look at the label and read all about it but you never truly know what is on the inside until you taste it. This is my version of what I call WineErotica.

The First Date: You select that special bottle from a vast array of others. You don't know what you are going to get on the inside as you have only the pretty outside to look at. You read the label and you see the winemakers description on the flavors, vintage, soil and region. You make your choice from the assortment and you begin your date with hopes of having a good time and that the chemistry is right. Now that you have the bottle home you feel the smooth texture of the glass vessel that holds the precious juices that so many labored to make. You realize that someones heart and soul went into this bottle and you are ready to take the next step and look inside. You open the cork and pour a bit in a glass. The first thing you do is hold the glass up to the candlelight to see the rich colors and flecks that vibrate within, much like looking into someones eyes for the first time and trying to see into their soul. You then take a smell of the fruit and all your senses go wild wondering "what is that". You try and dissect the aroma to see what this wine is made of much like you do a person you are meeting face to face for the first time. The uncertainty is there but you want it to go further so you can see what makes this complex creation worth your while. You take a sip........you hold that sip in your mouth much like that first passionate kiss. You now can get distinct flavors of blackberry,cherry, moss and lavender. You are learning more and more on this first date and deciding if there should be a second.........and you pour more into the glass. The finish or as I prefer to say climax of the first date is the taste that is left in your mouth after you swallow. is it fruity, floral, metallic or sweet. By the time you have finished your second glass the decision has been made and the chemistry is either there or not. If it is you move on to purchasing another bottle, if not you have not lost anything but have learned this one is not for you. That is what I call The WineErotica First Date.

The Blind Tasting: By now you and your intimate partner from the first date have learned you have many things in common. I like to initiate my partner in something call the Blind Tasting. Now mind you this is very arousing and can lead to other things but lets concentrate on the wine for now. First I believe in the practice of sensory deprivation when doing this exercise. I use a blindfold to help enhance the learning process. I place the blindfold over my partners eyes and straddle him ever so lightly. I open the bottle and hold the cork under his nose so he can gain some perspective of the exercise. I ask him to smell and tell me what he thinks. The sense of smell is a huge part of any relationship with wine, just as in humans, Pheromones are released that will enhance the experience and create arousal. I then pour some into a glass and bring it to his mouth to drink. I ask him to hold it in his mouth while the flavors open up. Now swallow and tell me what you taste. This is called mouth feel. Now it is time for a passionate kiss to further the senses of arousal. I then pour another glass and tell him how to reach a climax. Hold that taste in your mouth and tell me how it feels, tell me how it moves you, tell me how your taste buds view it. Tell me how you want more of the juices from the bottle and how it is something you want to do again. I then pour him another glass. Now by this time your partner has a good view of what is inside that bottle and what is inside of you. It's up to you however as what to do next......................... blindfold optional



I have to thank the person that has asked me a lot of questions lately as i do not think I could have started questioning myself without your persistence to give you an answer. It's not always what is on the label but is what is in the bottle, the heart and soul of a person, just like a bottle of wine.

tasty tastings everyone!

My Island of Misfit Toys

Misfit:(msft, ms-ft)  One who is unable to adjust to one's environment or circumstances or is considered to be different from others.

Welcome to my island of misfit toys. Things are kind of different here, everyone marches to their own beat, there are souls floating above us all that we sometimes capture in our personalities if only for a few minutes.This is a joyous place if you take it all in for what it is.

The vibe of my island home is one like no other, the heartbeat of island life is either 3 beats forward or 10 beats back depending on the splendor of the sunset. Sometimes it feels like my island is as busy as Times Square, trains, trolleys and taxis congest the streets with knowledge thirsty tourists that still think we drive down from Miami everyday to work as they only see our historic downtown and not our sleepy residential neighborhoods filled with a melting pot of residents. Other times it is ours, a place where the locals frolic and bask in the silence of the tumbleweeds rolling down Duval Street. We live like we are kings on a servants budget who have a variety of jesters at their beck and call. 

On any given night you can enjoy a jester that tells jokes for a dollar, "what do you call a fly with no wings.....A WALK"! Then there is the man with the cats who fly, who dazzles you with his french accent and an occasional "WOOHOO". We have the one who conjurers spirits, his name is Sloan he tells tales of lovers and and others who've been wronged. Their spirits haunt the bars and old dance halls and on any given night you'll learn about Robert the Doll. There are the minstrels that fill the air full of light by playing sweet songs as we dance through the night. Then there are the ladies in drag that will stop traffic but you better not dare call them a fag, As we are a peaceful island who embraces everyone as their own. It's place where you can be you and realize you're home. (a little prose)

To say we are misfits is an accurate description. We are all here because we're not all there is a slogan often said and it's true. Everyone was someone else and had a different life on the mainland. One day cancer research doctor, POOF in Key West dinner boat chef/captain, One day lawyer, POOF in Key West you are now a bartender. You never know who is sitting next to you at the bar in the straw hat, ragged shirt and flip flops. He may be a millionaire, he may own the bar or he may be a treasure seeker with his sights on the prize. But the reality is you have never fit in anywhere like you fit in here.

No recipe with this one, it is an old draft I decided to finish tonight

Morning Sex and Pancakes

There are some things in life that I will never understand one of those is love. 

How does something so good go so bad?

How does someone wake up one morning and say oh I am not in love with you any more? 

How does someone to whom you have given your heart just suddenly throw your love away?

Here's my take on this. Morning sex and pancakes when you really want it with bacon and sausage, 

There's your answer.

 You give someone what they want and what they need without regard for your own needs. You develop into this sub person of which was once yourself. You give your heart, your soul and your mind to this person and yet it is not enough for them. You try to be the person they want you to be but all along forgetting who you are. The metamorphosis of a relationship is sometimes one sided. You evolve into this version of yourself that isn't really you. I remember who I was when I first fell in love and the person he fell in love with. I was out every night being the dragon I am. Then he suddenly decides to tame the dragon and when he does POOF it's over. What the fuck is that? 

I desire sex before bed his answer no I really can't get into it until the morning. But what about me? My needs my wants my desires don't matter. I didn't want to be selfish so I played his game. I let him make the rules. What's for breakfast? He wants pancakes I make them, I eat them I gain weight and become undesirable to him. Please note he gained 40 pounds and hasn't seen his cock in a year other than the mirror or when he's looking for a safe place to "whack off" at a charity event to some girl over the phone. And that's my fault? HELL NO!!!!!!!  It is all smoke and mirrors with him.

He fell out of love with himself!!! He feels that he needs to recharge his ego by feeling desired by random women who really don't know who he is. Some woman he will eventually fall out of love with or get bored with.

He told me when we first met that his ex-wife was the angriest person he ever met, about a year later it was me....hmmmm common denominator is him. He is the one who no longer desires himself so he needs to feed his monster within by creating fantasies with others.

So with this being said it is time to let my dragon out of it's cage and it's time to become myself again. It's time to take care of me without worrying about him. It is time to emerge from my lair and become that girl again. The happy, fun loving woman I have always been inside that never needed a man to justify her existence. 

So if someone ever says that my needs don't matter I will remind myself that morning sex and pancakes ain't all it's cracked up to be if you can't get your bacon and sausage as well.

Lesson Fucking Learned!!!!

Banana Pancakes with Bacon

Ingredients

• 2oz butter, cubed 
• 10 oz self rising flour 
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 2 free-range eggs
• 2 tbsp soft light brown sugar
• ½ pint whole milk
• 1 large banana, roughly chopped
• 1-2 tbsp sunflower oil
• 8 slices rind less bacon bacon
• maple or golden syrup, to serve

Preparation method

1. Preheat the oven to 225 F.
2. Melt 1oz of the butter in a small pan over a low heat and leave to cool for five minutes.
3. Put the melted butter, flour, baking powder, eggs, sugar and milk in a food processor and blend until smooth.
4. Pour into a large bowl and mash the banana into the batter with a potato masher.
5. Melt a little of the oil with a cube of butter in a large non-stick frying pan over a medium heat. Wipe around the base of the pan with a thick wad of kitchen paper.
6. Drop four large serving spoonfuls of the banana pancake mixture into the frying pan, spacing well apart. Cook for three minutes, or until the pancakes rise, bubbles appear and the surface appears dry.
7. Flip over with a palette knife and cook on the other side for a further 2-3 minutes, or until pale golden-brown.
8. Transfer to a heatproof plate and keep warm in the oven while you cook the remaining eight pancakes in exactly the same way.
9. Return the frying pan to the heat and add the streaky bacon. Cook for about three minutes on each side until golden and crisp, turning once. Add a splash of oil if the rashers begin to stick.
10. Pile the pancakes onto four warmed plates and top with the fried bacon. Drizzle with a little maple syrup (or golden syrup) and serve the rest separately.