I haven't had many people in my life who understand me. For that reason it is sometimes difficult for me to see beyond myself as I am still trying to grasp the reality of my own dysfunction. If I don't know what the issue is with someone else I create my own scenario as my anxiety and my insecurities kick in and I wage war upon myself with every single fiber of my being.
My anxiety is my dragon. It dwells inside and and strengthens as my thoughts wander off somewhere down a long dusty road in my soul. I can't see the direction nor the crossroads but I seem to take the narrowest of paths that lead to nowhere only the self mutilation of my heart. Why can't I just stop somewhere and ask directions? There aren't any. You see you have to chart out your course ahead of time when you have anxiety. You have to make sure you won't end up somewhere you don't want to be. You have to have a comfort zone and surround yourself with those that have a calming effect on you when you feel you just have to dip away but shouldn't. Everything has to be structured and go as planned. If you have to take a detour it can awaken the dragon and cause a huge shift in the space time continuum.....well maybe not that drastic but that's what it feels like when you have anxiety. Like your ship is sinking and you want to jump off. Fuck the life jacket just JUMP!!!!
Many of my friends here in Key West don't know I worked as an apprentice winemaker in Texas because here I am just a wine drinker. I worked at Dry Comal Creek Vineyards under Franklin Houser and one of the best consulting winemakers in the world Dr. Enrique Ferro, founder of Ferro Family Wines. I learned a lot about charting your course from Dr. Farro and Mr. Houser. There were very few detours in the winemaking business. I worked in the fields, the lab, in the office procuring juices, the tasting room, I helped bottle and I managed sales and the best part was I learned the business from the ground to the bottle to the glass. I learned how to blend varietals to create an immense Meritage. I learned how to season barrels for port wine production and know just when it's time to add the right elements that enhance the process. I gained the expertise in choosing varietals when outsourcing juices for further development. But the most important thing I learned that taught me the most about myself was about Pierce's Disease (PD). PD is primarily caused by the glassy-winged sharpshooter (that's a bug) that carries a bacterium and feeds on tender tissues of the vine and much like anxiety does to human beings it destroys the plant from root to fruit. It will take out a vineyard with only one exception being the Black Spanish grape, better known as the Lenoir which appears to be Pierce's Disease resistant. The vines can become infected with the disease but still survive and produce the most incredible wine grape that is now used in many of the US crafted port wines. That is me! I am a Lenoir! I can be infected with negativity, sick with anxiety that has crippled me but still rise to produce a high quality product that is revered by many as one of the finest wine grapes that are high in acidity and tannins, difficult to manage but smooth on the palate with strong legs and a tremendous bouquet.
So with this being said I am a survivor, and every day I have to learn to have strong legs, incredibly strong resistance and a smooth and easy finish much like a bottle of fine Red Lenoir. Be Strong and Be the Lenoir! Cheers!
Tasty Tastings Everyone!
Franklin's Cheap Sangria