"When The Walls, Came Tumbling Down" "Cindia's Sunday Chicken DInner"

Ok so I have 4 blogs drafted and this is where my head and heart are first and foremost. I have some eager with anticipation of the previous 3 but I really have to throw this out there first. Hope you can understand..

My heart has been trampled on more than a time or two and thus fore I have built a strongest, tallest wall around it. Kryptonite couldn’t weaken the concrete and iron structure my inner demons have constructed to protect me from those malicious, heinous creatures known as men.

My life has been a consistent run of “bad boys” in one way or another. It would always start off nice but then our dark sides would collide and it would be a tumultuous ride on a year long roller coaster as I would try to fix things in every way. Tried to make things right and not seek the truth in any form. I would keep working on re-building the past and never look ahead and say “what’s gonna change this time”? Well this time I am going to change. This time I am the one working on myself and how I control the goddess we all know and love. My goddess is a rambunctious one. She likes to be the center of attention and adored by many. She is the one who shields my inside from those who don’t know me and plasters the fake smile across my face that you see in public. Those who know me see the pain behind that smile and the loneliness in my heart that is yearning to be touched by someone that will fill it with love and emotional stability.

Then all at once he walked into my life like the cyclone of emotions I have imagined and written about so many times. Now please don’t think I am rushing into things, but this is the most emotional and spiritual relationship high one could ever imagine. It’s the one time in life that you just go with your gut and swallow up every other bad experience and realize that this is the one you have been waiting for to make the bad ones worthwhile.

Sometimes it just feels right and damn it you just have to take a leap of faith and let the decaying walls start slowly crumbling to the ground and fill your heart with air and light. Take the darkness of monsters that lie internally and remove the chains that kept them hidden and bound. Show them the love that fills your soul and allow them to sleep soundly as the return inside, as they will always be there for you when you summon them for protection.

Yes, I have let someone in where I swore I wouldn’t. Yes, he has touched me in so many ways that to sit here and write them down would take hours. Yes, the feelings are mutual and growing everyday in leaps and bounds. I am actually convinced this is the reality I am destined for….and I am happy. Happier then I have been in years and when I am in his arms no one can ever come between us…….ever. Then there is the passion, I just don’t think I can get into that with you now but it’s there and it’s real. No man has ever made me feel the ways he does when we are together. I am serious about that friends, I have had my fair share of relationships, most long-term, these feelings are different, they are effortless and natural and when he touches me everything and everyone around us goes away.

 So if you dare to ask this goddess if she is in love, well I may have to say I think so......oh heck Yes! There I admitted it. I am "in love" with someone who fills in all of the blanks on my application.

So for today's recipe I put a pure classic out there dedicated to my sister Cindia June Cannon, who I love with all of my heart and soul. This is the only recipe my sis keeps bugging me to post so I am and at the most perfect time in my life to post this perfect classic.  ENJOY and TASTY TASTINGS EVERYONE!!!

"Cindia's Sunday Chicken with Vegetables"

Enjoy the inviting aroma of roasted chicken infused with a subtle zest of lemon and fragrant rosemary. Yam, carrots and red potatoes bring seasonal color and nutrition to this deliciously tender chicken dish. Serve with a fresh green salad and dinner rolls, if you like.

Ingredients

1 lemon
2 sprigs rosemary
1 (4- to 5-pound) whole chicken
10 small red potatoes, halved
3 large carrots, cut into large chunks
1 yellow onion, cut in 6 wedges
1 (1/2-pound) yam, peeled and cut into large chunks
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth
1 cup white wine
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

Method

Preheat oven to 425°F.

Pierce lemon all over with a fork. Place whole lemon and rosemary sprigs into cavity of chicken. Truss chicken with butchers' twine and place breast-side up in a large roasting pan. Arrange potatoes, carrots, onions, and yams around the chicken. Pour both and wine over chicken and vegetables, then drizzle chicken with oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cover chicken tightly with foil and roast chicken and vegetables for 30 minutes.

Reduce to 350°F. Remove foil and set aside for later use. Continue to roast chicken, basting periodically, for 1 1/2 hours more. Transfer chicken to a platter and set aside to let rest for 20 minutes. While chicken is resting, cover vegetables with reserved foil and continue to roast for 20 minutes more.

Carve chicken and serve alongside the roasted vegetables, drizzled with pan juices, if you like.

"Don't Misunderstand Me" "The Goddess Drinks Pinot Noir" and "What The F--k Duck in a Pinot Noir Pop My Cherry Sauce"

Please don’t misunderstand me when I say I love you as being something other than genuine. But you see, the key is to love yourself enough to be able to share the overflow of your heart with others. I don’t fall in love easily nor do I allow the steel walls to buckle. My heart has been laid out on the altar for sacrifice too many times that I have learned to safe guard it with care and summon the inner demons to protect it as needed. As much as we all enjoy the idea of being in love we only see one part of the story. One side of an intricate pattern on a lace tablecloth like the one your grandmother would pull out on special occasions ONLY. The one with the distinct smell of either cedar or mothballs. That tablecloth was guarded just like my heart. Kept safe from ruin and age. 


Please don't misunderstand me as I often find it difficult to express my true feelings as I have learned that someone is always going to take it the wrong way and use it to destroy me, or at least try to. Recently that happened to me, I admitted my feelings to someone. It was not love in any way other than friendship as I knew his situation from the start. It was just telling him that I cared enough about him to let him follow his heart....that's if he had one. I started to carry on with my life and decided to take on something else to another level, but not with him. The outrage and disgust I could see in his eyes when I came home that day. I don't know why he would ever feel that way as he claimed he didn't care. It has been difficult to deal with his unholy terror he unleashed on me subsequently in the past 2 weeks but I am having to re-structure everything and everyone around me. His lies and deceit have hurt my reputation and made my life a living hell......until today. Today is the first day I actually felt human in 10 days. I felt stable and secure as I am making sure the good girl rides away and finishes this blog........  it may take a few more days but I am calm in my decisions today that fact speaks louder than fiction and my life will be much better off as will my heart for even having to go through this kind of pain and emotional torture. I am a better person and will rise out of the ashes like a phoenix. I am the goddess I write as, she is my protector and always keeps me safe from harm. With a sheath draped across her shoulder and the thorny crown that is bestowed atop her head as her love shines down and forgives those that intend to harm me. That goddess is me and lives and breaths inside my heart as my heart is open and accepting to my friends who truly understand my purpose in their lives. My heart understands imperfection and realizes that no one is genuinely without flaw as I am not. 


So please don't misunderstand me when I tell you that I am the person you thought you knew, the person that you gravitated to as you spun around in my orbit and lost sight of the stars above as you watched me fall into a black hole. As I lay dying you breathed life back into my soul and filled my heart with light and hope. You are my true friends the ones that saw this person falling and caught me in yours arms and showed your love and trust for me. This goddess is blessed to have those in her life that through words of light made me realize that this is temporary and will get better and helped me acquire the tools to fix what was broken in my life. Those that made me realize the person I trusted was out to harm me and make me trip and fall even though he would passionately hold me at night. Wife, fiance, girlfriend.....were was I in this mix? I just knew I needed to get out and not be caught under his domain but it was too late. 


So please don't misunderstand me when I say I am sorry. Not just for what he did to me and those I love but for what I allowed him to do to me that caused the spiral downward. I was a sitting duck left saying WTF!


And now the goddess speaks Pinot!


Why do I have such a passion for Pinot Noir. Why does it speak to me in only a language the two of us can understand and engulf my body in it's warm and berrylike essence. I would lay in a claw foot tube full of Pinot Noir and suck it dry with a straw if given a chance (hint to potential beau's). The love and care put into a quality Oregon Pinot makes my heart light and my palate orgasm. The nose itself hits me like the way the room smells after a night of passion and lust, deliciously satisfying. The first taste in my mouth just arouses my passion for this varietal even more and sends a current through my body that fills my mouth with joy and makes me crave more.
I savor every drop of Pinot Noir like it's the last on earth. The first rain after a summer's drought is the refreshing finish to this delicate varietal's appeal. Yes I am a Pinot whore and I am proud. 


It took me a couple of days to perfect the "Pop My Cherry Pinot Sauce" on my "What The F--K Duck" but I hope you enjoy. Duck has always been my favorite members of the poultry family and although I never back down from a kitchen challenge it has sometimes been difficult for me to master. 


Here we go peeps, life goes on and WTF DUCK!!!!


Enjoy and Tasty Tasting Everyone!!!!!!




"What The F--k Duck in a Pinot Noir Pop My Cherry Sauce"


Ingredients


3 tbsp Sugar
3 tbsp water
1/2 cup dried tart cherries
3 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 1/2 tbsp olive oil
1/2 tspn salt
1 pinch fresh ground black pepper
24oz Fresh Duck Breast boned, halved and skinned
1/4 cup shallots
1 garlic clove
1 1/2 cup Pinot Noir
1/2 cup chicken broth (organic)
1/4 cup whipping cream (not whipped cream)


Combine sugar and 2 tablespoons water in a small, heavy saucepan over medium-high heat; cook until sugar dissolves, stirring gently as needed to dissolve sugar evenly (about 1 minute). Continue cooking 5 minutes or until golden (do not stir). Remove from heat; carefully stir in cherries and vinegar (caramelized sugar will harden and stick to spoon). Place pan over low heat until caramelized sugar melts


Heat 2 teaspoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Sprinkle 1/8 teaspoon salt and pepper over duck. Add duck to pan; cook 5 minutes. Turn duck over; cook 4 minutes or until desired degree of doneness. Remove from pan; let stand 5 minutes. Cut duck across the grain into thin slices
Return skillet to medium heat. Add remaining 1 teaspoon oil, shallots, and garlic to pan; cook 1 minute or until tender, stirring frequently. Add wine to pan; increase heat to medium-high. Bring mixture to a boil; cook until reduced to 3/4 cup (about 6 minutes). Add broth; bring to a boil. Cook until reduced to 1/2 cup (about 6 minutes). Pour wine mixture through a fine sieve into cherry mixture; discard solids. Bring cherry mixture to a simmer over medium heat. Stir in cream; simmer 3 minutes. Remove from heat; stir in remaining 1/8 teaspoon salt. Serve sauce over duck.










 

"That Girl Can Cook"

Hey Peeps, took a short leave of absence but I am back and will begin writing my usual 3 a week to fulfill my obligation to "The Man". I have several unfinished blogs over the past 3 weeks and this one I started about a 2 weeks ago and just needed an ending. My muse and co-writer Sarah C and I are just in a funk right now as we consider ourselves "That Girl" but it seems like girls like us never get a fair shake in love or life for whatever reasons. So here we go tonight with a great down home comfort food recipe and a blog about girls like us.




THAT GIRL!!!! That girl that makes your heart pound, the one that makes you wonder who she really is inside and keeps you guessing as to her intent. That girl, the one that makes you think twice about what you're thinking, changes your perspective as to what should be and what could be. That girl, who fills your heart with laughter and makes you lust for that internal sunshine so that you'll never feel alone in the dark. Who is that girl?
She is the one who makes your world a better place. Passionately fills your sexual desires and makes you crave to be inside of her as you kiss her with lustful presence. She is not scared to jump when provoked but still keeps her womanly demeanor as not to embarrass those surrounding her. She will think, solve and rationalize any issue that comes before her with the utmost care and come to genuine conclusions. She is loved by many and loves all of those in her circle so much she will protect and honor them on a continuous basis. Til they trespass against her. She is the one that can carry on and amaze you and those around her with stimulating conversation and never be the one to show the slightest ignorance of any issue. She is the one you don't know but think you do.


It is often impossible to understand a "that girl" as men love her and enjoy her company and women that don't know her well make assumptions regarding her knowledge and skill as they are intimidated by her presence. she is the one that seems to have the world by the balls and will squeeze the life out of them if she deems fit but is never happy in her own self. A mask, a facade or a genuinely deep person with fears and emotions like the rest of us that knows how to wear a camouflage of smiles. She is deeply intrigued with the desire to please and satisfy, she will be a loyal and true partner through life and always have your back no matter if you are justified or not. Don't hurt her as she will crumble internally in the darkness of her soul yet be made of iron on the external alternate and never miss a stride. She will never breakdown or give in to temptations of another if she is destined to be with only one. Her passionate equal, the one that makes her walk around with little wings on her shoes and fills her stomach with butterflies, that appreciates her for who she is, was and going to be. Someone that understands that sometimes life isn't always easy but is willing to make the sacrifice to take the burdens off her chest and let her ventilate her frustrations their way with open arms and ears. Someone to satisfy her craving for lust as he shows his passion with every thrust.


I am that girl in the kitchen...I love to share my recipes and passion for cooking with all of those that will appreciate and respect me for who I am. I cook with love and passion much like the relationships I have been in, I make the most out of every minute we have. I swear my perfect partner would be the one who preps as we dance to sweet sounds, we wouldn't wait for the water to boil as we would be boiling over with passion to the sound of the rolling water steaming from the pot. Dining would be a pleasurable and sensual experience as we would feed each other every morsel with our fingers and lick them clean between bites. Then comes dessert........sweet, hot and a bit over the top as the climax to a beautiful meal.


SO now you tell me am I "That Girl"? 


Enjoy and Tasty Tastings Everyone!!!!!!

Molten Lava Chocolate Cake

makes 2-3 ramekins (1/2 c capacity)

• 60g unsalted butter (do NOT use salted butter here!)
• 60g good quality dark chocolate, finely chopped (I used Lindt 70%)*
• 1 large egg
• 1 large egg yolk
• 1/8c (30g) caster sugar (I accidentally used 45g and it was fine…in fact I’d probably use 45g sugar if using 70% and above chocolate)
• 1 tsp plain flour

* For milk chocolate lovers, maybe use 50%

Preheat oven to 200C, with a rack centred.

Generously butter two to three 1/2c capacity ramekins (or 3/4c if you definitely only want 2), then sift cocoa over the buttered surface and tap around so the cocoa covers all the butter.

Melt butter either in microwave (covered small bowl) or in a very very small saucepan. You want it to be hot. Remove from heat, and add chocolate. Let the heat sit and melt the chocolate.

Meanwhile, in a separate bowl with high-ish sides, whisk (high speed) egg, yolk and sugar until paler and thick, with lots of air bubbles. Go back to the chocolate butter mixture and whisk them until uniform, then whisk the mixture into the eggs gradually (I did it in 3 additions). Whisk in flour until it disappears.

Pour batter into ramekins, place in a brownie tin for ease of removal, and bake 7-10 minutes until tops are just set. Remove immediately and let cool five minutes before running a small sharp knife around the edge just at the top. Turn ramekin upside down onto a plate, and tap top and sides. Never hold the ramekin more than 2cm above the plate, because if the cake falls out, it will go splat. If it needs extra coercion, hold onto the plate and bang them together downwards on a table (not too hard obviously).

Serve with whipped cream (not plain and lazy like I did), good vanilla ice cream, or yogurt. Top with berries and berry coulis or compote, or simply just dust with icing sugar. To be honest I wish I had used berry compote, as the super-fresh farmers market berries were fantastic on their own but a just kinda sour when paired with the chocolate on their own. If you want the prettiness, maybe use a combination of coulis/compote and fresh berries.

"Love, Lust and Other Things" "Chef Sheri's Rocking Shrimp Gumbo"

So folks life is good!!! Sorry I haven't been blogging in awhile I have had the mother of all blocks going on in my head. Confusion had set in and I wasn't exactly sure where my life was taking me. I have been in turmoil emotionally and in matters of the heart. It was rough but now that he is out of my life I feel so much better......until he called me the other day to apologize. It was lost again after that call. It took me only a few hours to snap out of it and it really hurt hearing his voice. He shattered my heart in a way few have ever done and will ever do to me again. So here we go, Love, Lust and Other Things.

Too many times in life you get tossed into something that you just can't explain. Not even your best friends understand why or what you are doing but they stand by you and know that eventually you are going to need their support when the castle crumbles to the ground. There are too many ways to fall, you fall down to your knees to pray, you fall in love and you also can fall so deep into passion and lust you suddenly don't know exactly what you are doing nor care about repercussions. You have this instant "thing". I have always said there's good and evil, love and greed and they're all inside of you and to be honest and integral it's all for you to choose. So now you have to look at each of these characteristics and see which one this relationship fits into. In my kitchen I have to do the same thing, challenge the flavors, put them to the test. See which of the unique characteristics make this the best choice for what I am trying to create and then take a leap of faith and slowly add it into the mix. Sometimes it doesn't work...there is no way and you just have to let go and try something else. Then there are those times that it blends perfectly, seamless, effortless and the flavor worlds collide into a divine creation that will stand up for itself and be there for the world to judge and enjoy. I feel like that inside. I feel like what if's are ok. I feel like I have never in my life been in this kind of situation and to be honest with you I really kind of like it. It's no secret, yet it is, it's no shock to those around me but yet to what level. To say there is passion is an understatement, there is passion like I have never felt before. There is a sense of always wanting to be in this euphoric state and for the most part I am. I could be in a crowded room yet no one else exists. I don't understand. I sleep so well now, although I usually don't get much sleep the time I get is priceless and I awake well-rested. So I am in a state of relationship limbo. A cross between love, lust and other things.
The same components relate to me in the kitchen as do life, sometimes it may seem like one big mess but in the long run it all comes together for euphoric flavors, lustful presentation and the love put into making the masterpiece. So tonight I have included my recipe for Shrimp Gumbo.....Enjoy and Tasty Tastings Everyone!!!


Chef Sheri's Shrimp Gumbo

Ingredients

2 lb. cleaned and deveined med. to sm. shrimp
1 (8 oz.) can crabmeat, claw or white meat, or fresh crabmeat or gumbo crabs
1 lb. okra, cut in 1/4 inch rings, cleaned
1-2 onions, chopped
3 toes garlic, chopped
2-3 stalks celery with leaves, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
3-5 green onions, chopped
4 tbs. Not You Average Cajun Seasoning

2-3 tbsp. parsley
1 ripe tomato, cut in sm. pieces or can of tomatoes
1 can tomato sauce
Season to taste with salt, pepper, red pepper, thyme, basil

 

METHOD

Start gumbo in 5-quart pot. Make roux with 2 large tablespoons shortening to 1 large tablespoon flour. Stir until medium brown. Add seasonings and shrimp and cook until shrimp are pink and onions soft. Add hot water to half fill pot. Always keep gumbo at a simmer, never boil. Add tomatoes and sauce. Fry off okra in well-greased frying pan on low fire and turn frequently to keep from burning. Cook until it loses its ropiness, and drain on paper towels, about 15-20 minutes. Add okra and crabmeat to gumbo and simmer for 30-45 minutes.
Serve over hot fluffy rice, with French bread or crackers. Tabasco may be added to plate, also gumbo file, if desired. Water may be added to thin, it should be a rust color, the combination of the roux and tomatoes

"Lifers" & "Honey and Rum Glazed Shrimp Salad"

Sometimes you just have to wonder what makes people tick or the cause of their neurosis . You have to understand what the main cause is to their reactions. Is it something I said, did, didn't do, do you not love me anymore, why don't you understand, and on and on as we try to speculate what someone else is thinking. I give up, I do, really........

In the kitchen, when working as a team, speculation and being in tune with each other is a must. Communication is KEY to any relationship in the kitchen or personal.  My sous and I work well together because we look at our relationship in the kitchen as a marriage, we know everything about each others daily lives, routine or lack there of and he knows what to anticipate during the course of service. We communicate telepathically sometimes as he is always ready with the next step before I am. We are a fine running machine cranking out the most divine food in town. It makes me wonder, how come personal relationships don't work that way? How come we find it so hard to communicate with or partners? Why do we try to speculate our partners thoughts and actions only to be shamefully wrong?  I think sometimes, is it because we want to be right. Do we not want things to be smooth or are we trying to fix something and in the course of repair to damage it even further?

Whenever I meet a senior couple I ask them the same questions....how long have you been married? and what's your secret? Those lifers (as I call them) have been committed to the same partner for decades and they are as in love as the first day they committed their hearts to one another. I love the stories they tell of how they first met and why they have been together for so long. I asked one couple a few days ago what their secret was and they told me COMPROMISE, COMMUNICATION and SEX. I asked them to explain and she said "whenever we have a disagreement we always find that compromise is the best solution, we remember we love each other unconditionally and we respect each others beliefs and sometimes it's easier to give in then argue." I nodded my head in agreement and then he said" Communication is important in every way, especially when I tell her how much I love her everyday."  then I asked about sex and she said "well at our age is doesn't happen as much as it used to but we have the memories of many good times and a prescription for Cialis for when we want to make new ones." I of course had to laugh at that one and told them how much I admired them and then walked away with a smile on my face.

So now as I sit and over-analyze things in my life I have to reflect on past relationships and the lesson that kind couple taught me that evening.
Compromise- do I always have to be right? can someone else's opinions and views matter to me? As much as I always try to be right, this goddess is only human and can admit when she has made a mistake or is incorrect. It comes right down to respect and in a relationship that respect must be mutual for it to ever stand a chance of making you a "lifer".

Communication- Darn it guys, when we ask you "what are you thinking" please just give us an honest answer and don't roll your eyes. We just want to know because you are all so darn tough to figure out and god forbid if we assume. So lighten up and answer the damn questions we ask, it helps us now what makes you tick and how to please you, but you had better do some pleasing yourself.......on to.........

Sex- Here is my favorite part. For the most part women love to make their man happy. It is in our nature to please and nurture. If you are not being seduced on a regular basis men then you need to start looking for an answer as to why. Are you being affectionate and playful? Are you making sure we know we are a goddess through your thoughts, actions and passionate kisses? Is she the right girl for you if she has no interest in sex or fulfilling your needs if not get rid of her? Sex is fun and there is a difference between making love and sex. When I make love to a man I love to kiss passionately, connect our souls as we look in each others eyes and hold him so close afterwards because I never want it to end. Making love is the art of connecting with your partner on a passionate and spiritual level while having sex. Now not every time you have sex you make love, oh no. Sex is the act of completely and thoroughly throwing down in the bedroom, or kitchen or wherever because it doesn't matter where you do it or when you do it  you both know it's gonna be good and the fact that you are with someone you deeply care about and love makes it all so sweeter.

So those are the key ingredients in being a "lifer", I always hope to be one someday, share my life with someone through good times and bad. Hold his hand as we communicate openly, and have the best sex/making love either one has ever experienced. Is that too much to ask for? I think not but still wonder if it ever will.

I have included one of my favorite salads today. All the ingredients merge well that's why this recipe is a "lifer" in my book....Enjoy and Tasty Tastings Everyone!!!!

Honey, Lime and Rum Glazed Shrimp

Ingredients

1/2 cup freshly squeezed lime juice

1/2 cup dark rum

1 tbsp freshly grated ginger

2 tbsp cornstarch, dissolved in 2 tbsp lime juice

3/4 cup honey

sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

zest of 2 limes

1/4 cup finely chopped cilantro

20 large shrimp, peeled and deveined

2 tbsp oil or bacon grease (heavenly flavor)

salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. The glaze: Combine lime juice, rum and ginger in medium-size saucepan and bring to a boil over high heat. Whisk in cornstarch and lime juice mixture and honey. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cook until thickened, about 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool completely. When glaze is cooled, stir in the lime zest and the cilantro. Transfer to a container, cover and keep cool.

2. Preheat grill to medium-hot. Toss shrimp with the oil, 6 tbsp of the glaze and salt and pepper to taste. Grill shrimp for 1 to 2 minutes each side, brushing frequently with more glaze. Cook until shrimp are bright pink on the outside and white on the inside.

Salad


1 8oz package organic spring mix washed and dried 
1/2 Cup sliced red onion
1/2 cup died cranberries
1/4 cup glazed pecans
6oz crumbled goat cheese


layer all ingredients in above order and the top with shrimp.




ENJOY!!!!!!

"Forbidden Fruit" and "Ahi-Melon Ceviche"

What is your dirty little secret? Come on folks we all have one or two tucked deep in the vaults of our mind that make us laugh, sometimes cry and at other times cast an evil smile thinking about times past, present and future. 
I have many dirty little juicy, succulent secrets that no one will ever tap into....that is unless I allow it! I think many of us need to know the difference between what is taboo and what is normal. I believe that if we really look into this subject we will find that our perversity's are quite normal and there is nothing to hide. We live in a different world then the ones that our parents lived in and raised us in, our world is where non-conformity is appreciated and expected and held in the highest regard. I was on an online dating site at one time and thought it was quite strange that men were asking for pictures of my feet instead of my breasts but then realized that we are in a world where it is acceptable to ask these things and that nothing is sacred anymore. It was actually quite fun after awhile but then.....................well that's another story. 


My dirty little secret, I have been involved with 2 men in their 20's in the recent past, well at least they were in their late 20's, and even though for many years of being considered taboo and it is quite the norm now, I still felt awkward and it never really worked out due to my own insecurities. But now that I look back I made one huge mistake, judging a relationship based on age difference and thinking it wasn't socially acceptable. The only reason why I walked away was because I was worried about what other people thought. He didn't care and enjoyed the fact that I was more experienced in, well, everything. He worshiped me like the Goddess I am and I was horrible to him in the end and made every excuse instead of telling him the truth. Sorry Steve :-(


The bible tells us that Eve tempted Adam with an apple, a forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. When Adam took a bite the small world they knew changed, shut down and everything was revealed. All at once they were cast out unto the land and their innocence was lost. The loss of innocence I have experienced as a chef is on my taste buds. I was a virgin to flavor for many years, overloaded everything I ate with table salt before I tasted it. I never learned to appreciate the flavors for what they were there for, my pleasure. When I open a bottle of my favorite varietal, Pinot Noir I take every bit that bottle has to offer inside my mouth and let my senses do the rest. It is almost like sex for the first time with someone new. You're shy, nervous and really don't know what to expect but in the end you really kind of liked it and want more and more and more. Well folks that's what my taste buds do to me. They throw me into a sheer state of orgasmic pleasure that cums many times a meal. Food is a pleasure equivalent to sex for some like myself and it is hard to stay satisfied with the amazing new generation of chefs we have. Some are traditional, conformists that never think outside the box while others dabble in molecular gastronomy and create scientific culinary delights with some edge. The pleasure I get watching someone devour the food I have created so patiently with love, makes my heart flutter. Whether it be a simple Meatloaf Mashed Potatoes and Gravy or my famous Lobster Tango Mango that has dazzled the finest palates, my fetish is the pleasure I get from the pleasure I create. So tonight peeps here is something to make your mouth orgasm....my Ahi-Melon Ceviche........Enjoy and Tasty Tastings Everyone!




Ahi Tuna and Watermelon Ceviche

Ingredients
Serves 4
1 pound (16 ounces) sushi grade Ahi tuna, diced
2 cups watermelon, 
1 cup diced red onion, chopped
1 teaspoon garlic, minced
1 teaspoon ginger, grated
4 tablespoons soy sauce
2 teaspoon honey4 tablespoons fresh lime juice


1 jalapeño sliced
1 avocado chopped
1 mango diced





Cilantro

Method

Dice the tuna and watermelon into equally small pieces. In a bowl, whisk together soy sauce, honey, and lime juice. Stir in the chopped red onion, garlic, and ginger. Add the tuna and watermelon and toss to distribute the mixture. Add the avocado and carefully stir, making sure that the pieces stay whole. Garnish with cilantro, place atop blue corn chip add mango and sliced jalapeño.


















. 

Unleashing The Monsters!!!

Need to vent!!!! Here we go.

For some reason I am looking for my monsters tonight. I don't know if it's to deal with the confusion in my brain right now, the wrenching of my gut or if it's just that they need to play for awhile. I have been blocked today, I put out a crappy blog earlier I think and now I need to resurrect some demons and maybe throw a fiery recipe at you later. So here I sit with you tonight, eating really good left over sushi and drinking a Daringly Dark (that what is says on the label) Blueberry Acai juice and thinking it's time for them to get out and play................

We all sit and wonder why and how things get so fucked up. We have to ask ourselves what roles did we play in making this happen and how do we fix it. Some of us just quit and non-exist like I did a few months ago or some of us try as we realize we have no other choice but to carry on like I realize now. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that place again, drowning in the churning waters of the tears I shed. Being a non-entity and having to fake a smile wherever I would venture. It was a hard existence but I muddled through. I remember not getting dressed for two days at a time and just watching endless episodes of Dexter. The Ice Truck Killer, Lila, The Skinner, and John Lithgow's amazing Rita killing, Trinity Killer, I watched Dexter Morgan unleash his demons on them with such passion that it made my blood boil with arousal. I barely remember the friends that came to visit and tell me it was going to be alright. It was a painful time in my life filled with anger and hatred towards myself. But why? I have a great life, great friends a great career, why? I don't think I can ever answer that honestly to anyone but myself. I have bottled up my demons and every now and then I have to ask for their help in  protecting me from whatever pain I am trying to avoid. Death, despair, friendships imploded by jealousy, being alone, trying to understand.............myself. What is so fucking wrong with me?

I am an alright person, I am a great mother and chef and I have a full life in the music business. Sure I don't sleep when I'm home I stay up and work on recipes and writing until I can't hold my head up any longer and pass out on the couch because god knows I damn sure don't want to sleep in that bed. I get maybe 3 hours of sleep when I'm home and the nights scare me so I wait until dawn to lay my head down. I want to walk out on the beach to scream like a mermaid being plucked out of the water against her will to relieve frustrations. I have never done it because I seem to find myself climbing in my tiny shower and sitting in the corner and crying my heart out where no one will find me.

But on the bright side I have fun!!! I balance everything so well I can go out and enjoy my musician friends and their glorious talent with no regret as to any issues in my life. The hard driving, soul shaking beats make my heart beat in their time. I find my greatest escape is within those walls where the music brings life to my soulless self. I let down my game face after the first set and from then on it's a vacation from everyday life into the world of my musician friends and I LOVE IT!!! That's when the demons get unleashed and play, they build up strength from the riveting beats to shield my heart and soul and protect me from those that trespass against me. They fill my insides with their glowing light of fiery attitude and frivolous spirit, and no one can ever take that from me. It is my desire and need to let them play every now and then or my brain would implode from thinking too much. My demons help keep my heart from being the sacrificial lamb I wrote about 3 weeks ago. They keep my thoughts in check and organize them in such a way the next morning I wake up with a clean slate. So there is nothing wrong with my demons being unleashed every now and then as long as I keep them at bay when they aren't needed for survival.

My demons also help me deal with intimacy at all levels by making me a facade of strength when my guard is down. They help me hide my imperfections and disguise my heart so no one can break it. They shield my soul so no one can strip it bare and leave it in pieces on the ground. Sometimes they are not there and I let someone in at my own risk. No protection or disguise, just the shell of a heart and selfless soul left in the open for yet another round of fuck with my head. Not always the case but the last go round was pure hell and I never want to go back there again. 

So tonight I wanted to write and put this out there. I needed to vent some frustrations and give you a look inside my head. I am always the goddess but sometimes it's nice to take a walk on the wild side.

Good Night Friends! Tasty Tastings Everyone

'A Guys, Girl and Creme Brulee!"

Being a guys girl isn't easy, a friend stated earlier that as a guy's girl I have to put up with a lot of crap. It all depends on how you look at it I guess. I have many female friends who's friendship's and heart's I treasure. Their strength cannot be measured as they have broad shoulders and big arms on many different girlish frames. These women are goddesss in my opinion but I will always be me, the guy's girl. Ball game watching, fish catching, beer drinking (3-I'm a light weight), Bill Maher quoting, action movie loving me. I can still be a girly girl at times as I love my mani-pedi's, being pampered, heavy petting, passionate kissing, dressing up, flirting and retail therapy but the vast majority of my friends are guy's who appreciate guy's girls and of course respect and worship me for being the goddess in which I am.

Being the consummate guy's girl isn't always easy, there are rules. First you have to learn to tolerate certain male traits that you and others may find annoying even offending. Second, sometimes you have to pretend you like something you really don't like but find out in the long run you really do like it. And third, you may have to watch your heart as one of your guy friends may try to steal it without you even knowing and that means trouble. Once you can decipher which guys you can be a guy's girl with and those that make your heart scream danger you are ready to be the consummate guy's girl.

Rule 1. Men can and will be pigs if given any opportunity. Not all of them of course, but nonetheless some of the ones I am friends with are, and apparently the level of guy/girl trust is there between us that there are no holes barred. Off color humor, sexist jokes, sounds, smells and habits must be tolerated if you are going to be a guy's girl.

Rule 2. Taking interest in things that you normally don't take interest in. Examples: Extreme fighting, killing helpless animals and beer pong. Okay I like beer pong as it is challenging but ask me to shoot, gut and eat a deer after looking into it's sweet brown eyes and I run to the hills. But I have learned through experience that it is okay to not like something as being a guy's girl you have to be open minded and be prepared for everything and anything. Who knows you may like it after all and it becomes part of your lifestyle. Like jumping out of an airplane.

Rule 3: To me this is the most important rule as my heart has been destroyed many times by this type of guy. I have many guy friends that seem to fall in love with this guy's girl. Hey, it hurts all parties involved. This is the type of relationship that starts as any typical guy's girl friendship starts, a night shooting pool, diving in the Keys, a Bucs game, or even just an innocent chat on the phone, and it blossoms into an explosion of pure sexual tension that is one-sided and un-warranted or needed to be my friend. I do not expect anything more then friendship and honesty from my guy friends and some seem to take it to the extreme that can be painful and scary at times. I get asked out by guy friends on dates al least 4 times a week and I usually don't go as it is the intention of the invitation, being a "date" that drives me away. I have had relationships with guy friends and it just doesn't work for me. Well, not all the time anyway, I married a close guy friend and after many years together it fell apart because we were too good of friends for it to work. Nothing was sacred and after all the fun and games we had, in the long run, we weren't who we thought we were after all. It's devastating so I stay away from those type of friendships. It took alot to get over him but we have remained friends after 6 years divorced and life is better that way. The space time continuum will not be interrupted.

Sometimes I have to look at myself in the mirror and ask what do I have to offer and what do I really want in my life when it comes to relationships. I know I can show him things he's never seen before for his mind to untangle on his own and through my eyes. Thoughts of deep contemplation that really stir up emotions and desires that leave our hearts pounding out of our chests can often happen. I just don't know what goes on in my heart and head sometimes and why I feel like I am alone when I'm not. I can't say how I feel here in this public forum as I'm not sure but how to handle these thoughts and emotions. They are a different story and blog for another time. So for right now I may as well make some creme brulee. Enjoy and Tasty Tastings Everyone!!!

Dark Chocolate and Caramelized Banana Creme Brulee"

Ingredients:

• 2 cups heavy cream
• 2 cups half and half
• 8 ounces dark chocolate, chopped fine
• 8 large egg yolks
• 1/3 cup sugar plus more for sprinkling
• 1 large banana, peeled and sliced into 1/4-inch rounds

Preparation:

Preheat oven to 300°F. In a large pot, heat cream and half and half until they just begin to bubble. Reduce heat to low. Add chocolate and whisk until melted and smooth. Remove from heat. Whisk yolks and 1/3 cup sugar in large bowl and blend well. Egg yolks will turn light yellow. Gradually whisk in hot chocolate mixture. Strain (optional). Divide custard among eight 6-ounce ramekins or custard cups. Place cups in large baking pan. Add enough hot water to pan to come halfway up sides of cups. Bake until custards are just set (about 45 minutes). Custard will be mostly solid but still jiggle a bit in the center. Remove from water and refrigerate overnight.

When ready to serve, preheat broiler. Place banana slices on top of crème brûlées in a single layer. Sprinkle the top of each dish with 1 tablespoon sugar. Broil until sugar turns golden (about 3 minutes). Watch very closely while broiling to avoid burning the sugar. Alternatively, you can brown the sugar with a handheld propane or butane torch.

For a spicy edition add 1/4 teaspoon of chipotle powder in the creme brulee mix before you cook.

The Goddess's Food to Sex Quiz!! "SAVE A HORSE RIDE A COWBOY CHILI"

I had to get some help with this one so I called my good friend and fellow goddess Sarah C. to lend a hand. She was my amusing muse this morning and really helped inspire this entry. Thank you Sarah!!!!

(excerpt from my book GastroErotica)

We all want to feel loved and appreciated both in the kitchen and the bedroom as these are the two places we try to create pleasure. We cook with love to create the amazing dishes that come from our hearts and minds out of the kitchen and the same goes for the bedroom. We all want to please the person we are intimate with in many ways, and a goddess can find something sexual in just about everything. The reason for this is that her sexuality is the organizing context for her thoughts. A goddess can find something sexual in virtually every object, person and situation that presents itself. Now this doesn't mean that she feels compelled to act on what she sees, thinks or feels by any stretch of the imagination. But as you might imagine this goddess is never bored............;-)

We've all seen movies where food is shown in being used in a highly erotic way, 9 1/2 weeks, for example (need I say more?). I don't know anyone who doesn't think that the infamous food scene that took place on the kitchen floor in that film wasn't incredibly sexy and exciting. But how many of you have ever tried anything like that? I don't see too many raised hands out there.....Well prepare for a change, because this goddess loves to play with her food. Honey, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, ice cream, iced cubes, ripe bananas and strawberry sauce....mmmmmm. The compliment "You look good enough to eat" takes on a whole new meaning when sweet, sticky honey comes into play.

So this goddess wants to know what you think about the relationship of food and sex. I came up with this humorous little quiz that compares sex to food and I would like to know your responses so please feel free to comment below or if you arrived here through a facebook link leave me a comment telling me which one of the following best fits your appetite. Here we go!!!!

American Idiot Apple Pie Sex- As Lucy and Ricky as you can get, black and white. Missionary is your only position in mind. If you could you would have two twin beds and you secretly wish Fred and Ethel would be watching. Lucy you got some splaining to do...

Rock Lobster Bisque Sex-  Slow, steady and consistent. Passionate and warm at first then meaty and fulfilling in the end. This creamy soup leaves your palate wanting more and more and it never fails to satisfy.

Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am Dragon Roll Sex- Hot and outside of the box it's quick to take down this luscious surprise but you know there is another piece coming. The sheer ease of this dish makes it a pleasure morning, noon and night.

Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy Chili Sex- Comfort food at it's best....meaty, spicy and one hot mess. Ever been to a rodeo? The bucking of the bronco's describes this dish the best. It's hard, rough and all over the place but with this dish of substance more than 8 seconds count. It's the pageantry of passion that takes place and leaves an imprint on your mind that makes you want another bowlful.

So tell me which one best describes what you like and how you like it? Don't be shy......I'm not. ;-)

So tonight folks I will leave you with one of my Texas recipes I like best, "Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy Chili"  Enjoy and Tasty Tastings Everyone!!!

"Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy Chili"

INGREDIENTS

---

• 2lbs. Course chili meat or ground beef 
• 1lb. ground pork
• 1lb. ground italian sausage
• 24oz. Mexican Chorrizo sausage 
• (2) 12oz bottles Shiner Bock beer
• 2 jalapeno peppers chopped ( or more depending on where your are from )
• 2-4 tbsps. of chili powder
• 4 cloves crushed garlic
• 1 tbsp. finely chopped green onions
• 1 tbsp. black pepper
• 1-3 tsps. dried oregano
• 1 tbsp. cumin powder
• 1 tbsp. salt
• 1 16oz. can of tomato sauce ( your choice )
• 1 tbsp. finely chopped green bell pepper

METHOD

---

• Mix well all the meat in a large pot and brown( CUT OPEN ALL MEAT CASINGS and squeeze out)
• Mix well until done
• Add tomato sauce, beer or wine, and all the seasonings
• Cook over low - medium heat for 30 min. stirring occasionally to avoid sticking
• Then reduce heat to low and cover and cook 1 hour more
• Stiring occasionally
• Sample, sample and sample
• Add more whatever you think it needs ( you make the call )
• Turn heat off and let cool
• Place in the refrigerator over night ( yep over night )
• Reheat the next day and serve it your way!

BALANCE

I am writing tonight as me, humble and hurt and asking for help only to learn that it is within.

bal·ance

[bal-uhns]  noun, verb, -anced, -anc·ing.

–noun

1.

a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.

2.

something used to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.

3.

mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

What does it mean to have balance in our lives? I try to establish balance by being a mother, having a career and developing relationships. Sometimes it's just not that easy to achieve. Sometimes we need crutches to give us balance and help us function through daily activities. My crutch was caffeine. Glorious Red Bull in all it's fruity splendor makes my knees cave. The very thought of popping the can open and taking that first sip was what kept me going. Now I must free myself from those crutches to maintain a healthy lifestyle. My girlfriends made a comment the other night that 60oz of Red Bull a day was way too much to do any good. Well I hate to say it but it's more like 80 and then the Mountain Dew and 5 Hour Energy drinks that help me maintain personal and professional balance. I checked my blood pressure Saturday night and that was a rude awakening for me and embarrassing. I used to laugh about it and say I was achieving my goal of having a worlds record, but then I realized exactly what it was doing to my body and the long term effects. So friends I have been caffeine free for over 24 hours now and I am a hot mess. This is difficult and has my mind racing like a junkie looking for her next fix. I'm not getting any younger so I have decided to start some serious behavioral modification in order to reach my goals and getting my blood pressure back in check is on the top of my list. Now I must figure out what to do in order to achieve my goals.......any suggestions for I am weak?

In my professional life I have to achieve balance in the kitchen when I am blending flavors. I have to use just the right amount of herbs and spices so that I may reach perfect balance in the dishes I create and it's not always easy. Much like relationships you sometimes have to try a few times with that one ingredient to make it work and understand just how complex things really are. Sometimes you have to stand back and look at things through someone else's eyes in order to understand what is really going on. I myself have been a holy terror lately within myself. I have gone through some major life changing events these past few months that I can only fix inside myself. The pain and anger I sometimes feel cloud my judgement then stress comes knocking at my door and this is where balance comes in. I need to find harmonious balance within and in order to achieve that I must make these changes. Look folks I'm not perfect and even though I sometimes try to be and it will never happen. Accept me for who I am, the person inside or do not accept me at all. I am a goddess in many ways but deep down inside I am me and I really do like me. It's not easy for me to admit that I need help but I am weak and I do. I put it all out there every time I write and I know I am judged and I know that some may not like what I have to say but it's me, the woman I am flesh and bone. No one will ever make me feel like I have been made to feel in the past and I will never, ever let that happen to me again. So I sit here and cry tears on my keyboard because I realize the mistakes I have made in the past and I now know what I must do to change them. The book project and my blog have been the biggest help to me in fixing myself and achieving balance within but now I must look further to maintain the healthy lifestyle that I threw out the window a long time ago in order to be here for my daughter. I must regroup my thoughts and actions to get through this withdrawal I am going through and in the end I will be a much better person.

I am thankful to my followers and fans and please understand that this past weeks events have left me emotionally inept at times. I am not posting a recipe tonight as I must try and work off some of this frustration before I can. Have no fear I will be sharing my recipe for Chocolate Chipotle BBQ Sauce in my next blog.

Tasty Tastings Everyone!