BALANCE

I am writing tonight as me, humble and hurt and asking for help only to learn that it is within.

bal·ance

[bal-uhns]  noun, verb, -anced, -anc·ing.

–noun

1.

a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.

2.

something used to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.

3.

mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

What does it mean to have balance in our lives? I try to establish balance by being a mother, having a career and developing relationships. Sometimes it's just not that easy to achieve. Sometimes we need crutches to give us balance and help us function through daily activities. My crutch was caffeine. Glorious Red Bull in all it's fruity splendor makes my knees cave. The very thought of popping the can open and taking that first sip was what kept me going. Now I must free myself from those crutches to maintain a healthy lifestyle. My girlfriends made a comment the other night that 60oz of Red Bull a day was way too much to do any good. Well I hate to say it but it's more like 80 and then the Mountain Dew and 5 Hour Energy drinks that help me maintain personal and professional balance. I checked my blood pressure Saturday night and that was a rude awakening for me and embarrassing. I used to laugh about it and say I was achieving my goal of having a worlds record, but then I realized exactly what it was doing to my body and the long term effects. So friends I have been caffeine free for over 24 hours now and I am a hot mess. This is difficult and has my mind racing like a junkie looking for her next fix. I'm not getting any younger so I have decided to start some serious behavioral modification in order to reach my goals and getting my blood pressure back in check is on the top of my list. Now I must figure out what to do in order to achieve my goals.......any suggestions for I am weak?

In my professional life I have to achieve balance in the kitchen when I am blending flavors. I have to use just the right amount of herbs and spices so that I may reach perfect balance in the dishes I create and it's not always easy. Much like relationships you sometimes have to try a few times with that one ingredient to make it work and understand just how complex things really are. Sometimes you have to stand back and look at things through someone else's eyes in order to understand what is really going on. I myself have been a holy terror lately within myself. I have gone through some major life changing events these past few months that I can only fix inside myself. The pain and anger I sometimes feel cloud my judgement then stress comes knocking at my door and this is where balance comes in. I need to find harmonious balance within and in order to achieve that I must make these changes. Look folks I'm not perfect and even though I sometimes try to be and it will never happen. Accept me for who I am, the person inside or do not accept me at all. I am a goddess in many ways but deep down inside I am me and I really do like me. It's not easy for me to admit that I need help but I am weak and I do. I put it all out there every time I write and I know I am judged and I know that some may not like what I have to say but it's me, the woman I am flesh and bone. No one will ever make me feel like I have been made to feel in the past and I will never, ever let that happen to me again. So I sit here and cry tears on my keyboard because I realize the mistakes I have made in the past and I now know what I must do to change them. The book project and my blog have been the biggest help to me in fixing myself and achieving balance within but now I must look further to maintain the healthy lifestyle that I threw out the window a long time ago in order to be here for my daughter. I must regroup my thoughts and actions to get through this withdrawal I am going through and in the end I will be a much better person.

I am thankful to my followers and fans and please understand that this past weeks events have left me emotionally inept at times. I am not posting a recipe tonight as I must try and work off some of this frustration before I can. Have no fear I will be sharing my recipe for Chocolate Chipotle BBQ Sauce in my next blog.

Tasty Tastings Everyone!