The Orchestration of My Life" "Goat Cheese Souffle' "

Here I am, sitting in front of my life and writing it aloud for the world. to read. Posting my innermost thoughts, desires and fears for the world to judge me by. But who am I really? Not the goddess that posts her naughty self regularly for your enjoyment but a woman who much like many feels alone in the world. I am hurt, lost and longing for your love and acceptance. I am the one that you want and need and wish to be like. But who am I really? I am a woman flesh and bone with wants needs and desires. Dreams and realities that take me on many adventures...some good and a few bad shape the woman I am today. Those adventures are called relationships and I have had a few too many I think. I have loved and I have lost much like everyone else in the world....but why am I so hurt and live in darkness for most of my life? Will someone ever realize that I am the missing ingredient in their life. One day I will find out and feel like I have mastered my life and in someway I will be complete. What really shapes us are those experiences from our past that we often relive in our minds. Some take the form of nightmares that shudder our sleep so much that we take it with us throughout the day. It reflects in our daily activities and hangs on our backs like a parasitic leech. I have to remind myself of my new credo's, "Why Bother" and "Let it Go" and shake those demons off my back with such great force they never return. The good and the bad make us who we are today and we may not like the person we see in the mirror but that is the person we have become. We have blossomed into beautiful human beings. A person that deserves love and acceptance without judgement. But will that ever happen? I just can't answer that and I am known to have an answer for everything. I am so confused right now, my heart is full of love and feel I have been shell shocked every time.

Every now and then a person comes into your life with whom you share something that you just don't understand. You feel a bit overwhelmed with emotion and your heart is twisted in an intricate knot that you try so many times in vain, to untie. But that knot holds strong until one day it slowly becomes unraveled and the truth is right before your eyes. A moment of clarity maybe, but for the most part it is the fibers of a relationship that has held strong through he worst finally has reached calm waters. The constant turmoil of indecision leaves us all in a panic..did we say the right thing? did we act the right way? are all questions us insecure people ask of ourselves everyday. People remind me everyday of how I "have it all together and in balance"...I have balance, maybe, but I am far from all together.

I balance my life much like the goddess I write as. I am a goddess in the kitchen and I can create the most sensual meals for pleasure and satisfaction. I challenge myself on a regular basis to try something new and have an open mind and palate. I express myself through the food I create and the soundtrack backing it. Every menu to me is backed by an intricate musical score that I carefully orchestrate in my kitchen. The colors, textures and flavors describe my moods and fears like an artist puts his on canvas. I put together many menus that are complicated as I find the need to challenge my abilities on a continual basis. You have to find the right balance of ingredients and then totally throw yourself a curve by enhancing what is already known by many as perfection.  .My recipe today will challenge you and just add your own touch to this one. This is not my creation but the base recipe I use and try to challenge myself every time I make it.

Goat Cheese Soufflé
4 individual soufflés
I’m certain this mixture would be great spread over some lightly sweetened berries or orange segments then topped with crunchy sugar crystals and baked in a gratin dish, which I’m going to try when berries are in season. As mentioned, this soufflé is on the less-sweet side. Be sure to put a nice blanket of sugar on top, but if you like things on the sweeter side, you can add an extra tablespoon of sugar to the base.

¼ cup full-fat cream cheese
4 large eggs, separated, at room temperature
4 ounces fresh goat cheese
grated zest of 1 lemon
4 tablespoons sugar
pinch of salt

additional butter and sugar for preparing the baking dishes
1. Liberally butter four 4-ounce ramekins or custard cups. Sprinkle a few spoonfuls of the additional sugar inside, tilt the dish to spread the sugar and coat the bottom and sides, then tip out any excess. Set the ramekins on a baking sheet.

2. Preheat the oven to 400ºF.

3. Use a whisk, or an electric mixer with the paddle attachment, to mash the cream cheese, egg yolks, goat cheese and lemon zest until the mixture completely smooth.
4. With an electric mixer, or by hand, whisk the egg whites in a clean, dry bowl (not plastic) until frothy, with the salt. Increase the speed, until the whites begin to mound and hold their shape. While whipping, gradually add the sugar, one tablespoon at a time. Once you’ve added all the sugar, beat until stiff.
5. Fold one-third of the beaten egg whites into the goat cheese mixture, then fold in the remaining egg whites just until incorporated. It’s okay to have some tiny bits of white; that’s preferable to over folding the batter.
6. Scrape the batter into the prepared baking dishes, gently smooth the tops, and sprinkle the soufflés with an even layer of sugar, about 1/2 teaspoon each.

7. Bake the soufflés on the middle rack (or slightly higher, if possible) of the oven for 10 to 15 minutes, until the top is browned and the soufflé is just set but still very jiggly in the center if you nudge it. Depending on your oven, it may take slightly less or more time. Soufflés are best when slightly runny in the center.

Variation: If you’d like to add a bit of lemony tang to the soufflés, squeeze a few drops of fresh lemon or citrus juice over the soufflés after you sprinkle the tops with sugar.

Note: Fresh goat cheese is often found at well-stocked supermarkets and farmer’s markets